DO YOU MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHE’S THE ONLY GIRL IN YOUR WORLD?

Day 22 of 365!

I was watching the Rihanna 777 Documentary which I have to say was awesome. She sang this song Only Girl, which I have heard before, but this time I really listened to  the  lyrics. “I Want you  to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world, like I’m the only girl you’ll ever love, like I’m the only one that knows your heart!” I though, “I know what that feels like!” It was like this moment flashed in my mind and I ran right to my notebook to blog about it.

The last boyfriend I had treated me in ways that  if you had asked me I would not have told you I needed it. Now I realized how much it made me feel like the lyrics in that song.  Of course it was after it was over that I came to this realization. The things were small, but what a big difference they made. For instance one night we went out to dinner to Texas De Brazil (my favorite restaurant ever!) We were seated and then went to the buffet,  He was done first, now he didn’t go and sit down, he came over to me and waited until I finished, he chatted and laughed with me and then walked with me to our table. Such a small thing right, but as you can see its something I remembered.  On one other occasion we were on an escalator and he was standing next to me on the step, but I noticed that he had his body turned toward me, and he was so focus on me and what I  was saying, again I felt like I was the only girl in the world.  He was very affectionate in public, something I love, not to the point of being embarrassing, but you know always holding hands, or his arm around my waist always without fail. It occurred to me then that all of his attention made me feel confident in our relationship. Frankly as women we thrive on that feeling. When a woman doesn’t feel confident, or doubts that she has your full attention, or that your easily distracted it can create an anxiety that is not good for a relationship.

I am not saying that these are things you should copy or do for your girlfriend or wife or significant other.  What I am saying is that its often the simplest things that you can do that make the largest impact. I know remembering birthdays, an anniversaries can be difficult to remember, but you would be amazed at how many points you would get for surprising her with flowers on a particular day because its one you remember. Like the anniversary of your very first date, or the first time you said “I love you!” Or maybe it has some other significance for you, I am telling you she will love that!  Whats even better is that you will always remember the date! Now really Knowing your significant other is the other half the battle. You want to do something that is truly about her, not because she is a woman and women like flowers, or candy, but does she? Does she even like flowers, if so which one is her favorite? Oh and here is a good one, my best friend hates to be surprised, does your significant other? Than here the best gift I will ever give to you! Don’t surprise her, she doesn’t like it, just because you do, that doesn’t mean if you keep doing it’s  going to change her and make her like them.

Relationships take work, and guys I know its hard because we woman can be super duper crazy and expect you to know it all, figure it out, and read our minds. The one thing I can tell is if she is confident in your relationship  your world will run so much smoother!

ALIAS VS SCANDAL?

Day 21 of 365! 

Yes, okay I am one of those people that watch TV shows and Movies again, and again especially the good ones. I love Alias. Do I need to remind you of my Spy fetish, lol! Anyway I was watching Alias, and I thought why does this seem familiar. Then I though, hey wait, strong woman although a bit naive and quick to jump to the worst conclusions about the stoic father who raised her.  Granted the character that Kerry Washington plays is not a spy, nor does she fight, but she does have a spy who works for her and he does plenty of spy like stuff when she asks him to, and he used to work for a shady organization controlled by her dad. Sound familiar right?  Jennifer Gardner’s character is the spy who works for a shady organization in Alias whose Dad is at the top of this organization.  With both shows you find out the Mother is alive, and then you find out the mother is a crazy bitch spy working for the other side. All along the dad has been trying to protect the daughter and take the blame. It never fails every time the daughter says or does something  vicious to their father for things that happened in the past,  they find out the hard way that it was the mother who created or instigated the problem.

What I find fascinating about this is that these shows were written years apart. I mean Alias came out 2001 and Scandal started in  2012, that is 11yrs.   Where do writers get their ideas from? I know some shows are like autobiographical, and other shows I am sure are just made up. I think these shows have to come from the mind of similar people who have had similar experiences. I am not saying that these people had parents who really were spies,  but with any parental relationship you tend to be closer to one parent more than the other. Thus the terms Daddy’s Girl or Mama’s Boy, although the latter has never really been a good thing in some cases.

Is it possible that two different writers both had the same type of childhood. The mother left for whatever reason and the father raised them, but wasn’t as maternal or forthright as the child wanted and then he got blamed for what was basically the mothers error? or Did two writers just happen to right about the same type of women with the exact same type of father? Coincidence?  I think not!

PROFOUND QUESTIONS?

Day 20 of 365! 

I have been watching the tv show Burn Notice from the beginning on Netflix. I have to say I love watching tv with no commercials. I love spy shit anyway, I mean who doesn’t. I don’t know if they do now but back in the day in school we had to take the ASFAB Test. It was to determine if you were a candidate for the military. The first time you take it you have no idea what it is, so you try to do your best. Of course the following year you catch on an christmas tree it, lol! I had the military calling me for months. I am sure I am pre-disposed to be a spy. (in my mind at least)  Anyway, In one of the episodes they talk about siblings. How do kids raised in the same household come out so different.  The guy in the tv show says “imagine you have two bottles, and you drop both, one of them shatters into  many many pieces and you can never put it back together again. The other one shatters into larger pieces and becomes a very sharp weapon. That is what happened to your sons”, he says, ” one couldn’t take being broken, the other one  got stronger and changed into something else”  I though that is so fucking profound. I mean its true isn’t it. We all have different experiences and sometimes we share the same ones. Some people can survive them, and other people it breaks. I find that fascinating, and I wonder why? whats the difference? is one sibling lacking something that the other has in abundance. Did one of them make a choice not to be broken and the other just let it happen? or is it completely random?

Frankly I have no idea, but I love a great brain organism. I love a great debate, where you can talk about things, hear other peoples opinions and thoughts. We don’t have to agree, I am fine with agreeing to disagree. I just like the conversation!

WHAT REALLY MAKES ME MAD IS?

Day 19 of 365! 

There may be several things, but my first pet peeve is people who are too lazy to exercise. You are wondering if I fall into that category, I wish that was the case. I definitely need to lose weight to be healthy. For my body type I need to exercise. I do eat healthy, more than most people would think.  But I have a severe handicap. I have bad knees, they have been bad since my birth.  My knee caps were not connected to the tendons (at all apparently)  so at times my knee will jump out of place, and bamm down I go! My first surgery was when I was 8.  Believing that my problems had been fixed I was running to catch a school bus, my knee went out and I fell on it and tore the ligaments. At that point I was told I should refrain from running. Thus my second surgery was when I was 13. Over the years my knees have gone out, I have fallen so many times its ridiculous. I have fallen in stores, I have fallen literally on the side walk in downtown Philly during rush hour. How embarrassing! My knees have gone out when I was at work in a bathroom. The best fall was in front of my apartment when my knee went out I fell over the parking stop and tore my patella tendon. What fun! I didn’t have insurance at the time, so I had to just walk it off. I think I was like twenty something when that happened. I remember that I couldn’t drive with my  right foot because I couldn’t lift it. I had to drive my automatic car like it was a stick. I think it took about 6months and then I was able to lift my foot and drive normally again.

It was after I had my son when I was trying to lose the baby weight that I started walking 2 miles a day, eating healthy.  I did really good. Unfortunately the walking aggravated not only knees, by my left ankle.  The Orthopedic doctor said another surgery was in my horizon. Let me tell you really how bad it was. During my appointment I am waiting for the Dr., and someone opens the door looks at me, closes the door, and then comes back in. He says, “I am sorry about that, but I was looking at your X-rays and I thought you were a senior citizen, so I thought I had the wrong room!” Shut the Front Door really? Wow, how bad are my knees?  I was 36 at the time.  He said my right knee needed the patella fixed, and my left knee has been the stronger leg for so long, that now it has no cartilage left, I need knee replacement surgery but really he didn’t want to do it because I was too young. So they decide to put screws in my left knee to keep the knee cap in place and fixed the right knee. Lucky me two surgeries for the price of one. That is just a saying because my insurance ( Yes finally 10yrs later I have that) paid for 2 equally expensive surgeries.

The problem with all these issues is that it takes a toll on your whole body. I have two different types of arthritis which makes it difficult to do anything. One knee doesn’t like me walking, the other knee doest like the bike, even the recumbent kind. I can swim at this point, but that requires a Gym membership. I did have that and I was consistently going, and I really love swimming. That is what they say about exercise right, if you find something you love you will do it.  But guess what? when the “funds” get low, guess what is the first non-essential item to go? You guest it  The Gym membership.

So I am 46 now and its probably time for my 4th and likely -5th surgeries.  What I wouldn’t give to be able to just walk normally. I see and hear people talking about doing marathons or going hiking, jogging etc. I am so jealous. I wish I could run. I can tell you honestly I don’t even know how to at this point. So for me to hear someone who is over weight complain about why they can’t lose weight it just makes me see RED!  Its even worse if you have something that by losing weight it would get rid of your problem, but you just refuse to make changes. UGH! I just want to scream!  Let me be clear, if you have a illness, or physical impairment that restricts you or makes it difficulty for you to lose weight, then obviously I am not talking about you. However, if the only thing wrong with you is that your fat, well then  if the shoe fits….

IT’S INTEGRITY NOT HONESTY!

Day 18 of 365!

Being single I am always amazing by how many people list Honesty as one of the qualities they want in a mate on these dating site. They then proceed to talk about someone that won’t cheat. The fact of the matter is that being honest doest stop you from cheating. They can Honestly tell you that they have cheated. What you really want is integrity.  

Integrity is adherence to moral and ethical principles; Honesty is truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

Just because someone is honest, or sincere doesn’t meant they won’t cheat. But someone that has integrity that is a personal choice not to do something. It’s like I don’t believe in cheating. I feel like there are things I need in a relationship. If I am not getting them I will say so, and give you the opportunity to fix it. If that doesn’t happen then I will end it. I realize that contrary to popular belief relationships take work, and I am willing to do that.   I am also not so afraid of being single that I will accept any kind of relationship, nor do I need to have a side cake and eat it too. I  believe in that 80/20 rule. I know it became popular from the movie “Why Did I Get Married”, its been around I just have never heard it put that way.  Its true though. No one is perfect, so its impossible to have a 100% perfect relationship where you get everything you need or want. However, if your getting 80 % hell you have hit the motherlode. The issue is that many people haven’t taken the time to look closely and see that they have 80% because they are so focused on the missing 20! I have spoken to many of my friends and acquaintances and they all seem hesitant to do a pros/cons, or even a needs/wants list. I find it interesting because what you think you need and what you are getting can match up a lot when you put it on paper.

We also live in a disposable society now and I am sure that doesn’t help. If its not your way, or your not getting exactly what you want, then hey I won’t work to make it better, I will just move on.  There is a movie I love with Dolly Parton, and she says to this guy “You keep dating the same type of woman. Imagine making something to eat and you go to open a can of soup but inside is corn flakes. Then you get a box of pasta  and when you open it – Corn flakes.  You keep picking woman who are different on the outside, but the inside- Cornflakes. I love that! Many times that is what we do,  we keep picking the same type of person and wonder why we cannot find our 80/20.   Maybe the right person for you doesn’t look how you expect them to, maybe they are not what you think is right for you. The question is do you want to be happy, or just look happy? is it more important for appearance sake for you to have the perfect guy or is it better to have the perfect guy for you?

When you do break up, how much time do you spend figuring out where you went wrong? or is it only that he was an asshole? Hey, you picked him. Why did you pick him? I wouldn’t have been able to tell you when I was younger, but now I can look back and tell you exactly why I dated a certain guy. For example one of my best boyfriends, aww he was great. We had so much in common, we both loved to cook, we loved movies, we were both night owls, funny enough he reminded a lot of my dad. Yes like many woman I have daddy issues. My dad was really strict and had so many rules, and I was happy when those rules were gone. So when he started to remind me of my dad that became an issue. We eventually broke up. Here is the real funny part. The next guy I dated was the exact opposite. He reminded me of my favorite Uncle. He was so mild mannered, funny, easy going, great dancer, everybody liked him. We did not fit at all, I was way to strong a personality for him. That is what made me realize how much more the guy like my dad fit me better, because he wasn’t intimidated by my personality. It didn’t phase him at all. Hindsight is 20/20 right? But,  If your paying attention then you learn from your mistakes. I know now the more appropriate type of guy I should gravitate towards and who will not likely be a good choice.  I can tell you for sure I did better with the next boyfriend because he was the perfect mixture of both.

So here is to Mr Integrity not Mr Honesty!

BEING A PARENT IN 2015 SUCKS!

Day 17 of 365!

I know that is not what you are supposed to say right! It’s a blessing to have children. Do you know how many people there are that cannot have children and would love to? Yes I do. I feel sorry for them, I really do. It must be horrible to want something and for reasons out of your control you cannot have it. However, that doesn’t change the fact that for  some of us having children can be a  headache. I have had this conversation with other people so I know I am not the only one, but for PC sake I will just say its a headache for me.  Being a parent is a life time job. You are responsible for another person or person(s) forever. I mean really what parents stops caring or worrying about their children because they are adults.  When you do something great, they ask how did you turn out so well?  Your parents get some of the credit. If your a serial killer, your parents get blamed.  How about if your child ends up on drugs, or becomes a criminal, or maybe they just grow up to be an asshole? You still try to figure out where you as a parent went wrong? What decision did you make that may have caused it? You can have siblings that live in the same house, are raised the same way and one is great and the other is a mess? How does that happen? Who gets the blame, I will tell you who

– The Parents!

Now just to be clear,  I have a great son. I love him to death.  He was a great baby, slept all night even when he was younger. He has always been respectful of other adults and plays well with children. Since your going to say all parents say that about their kids. Well my proof of how great he is, is based on how many people would take him and do things with him without me. I mean like my mothers friends who didn’t have children, nor like them, but they loved my son. My son has almost gone on more vacations then I have. He went to NC when he was 6 because my mother was going with her friends and they took him as well. One of her friends had a grand daughter when he was 9, and she took him with her to VA for 10days so they could hang out.  People have always talked about how nice and well mannered he was, and still is.  I have had people offer to babysit whenever I needed it when he was younger, when I didn’t even ask!  I think that is proof enough!  Now your thinking, well I don’t see what sucks about that?

Well that is the good stuff.  He is now in high school. Now I have to deal with so many more things than I ever did when I went to school. Let me tell you the type of conversation I have had to have with my son, because these are real issues that are happening.  He is 14, and very good looking. I have no doubt that he may end up with a girlfriend, even if its not technically a “girlfriend” the possibility is that he may have sex.  Do I want him to have sex this early? No, of course not, but based on twitter,  vine,  and Instagram as well as other parents with children the same age or just a bit older than my son this is a real concern. These kids are having sex. They are sexting. They are sending pictures of themselves (naked pictures) to each other. They don’t seem to realize that if you send a naked picture of yourself to someone else underage in some cases it can be considered  child pornography.  Some of these kids are re-sending pictures to their friends in other states. Which means you may be charged for Federal and State laws against child pornography. Do you think selfies don’t count?  This is from a Criminal Law Site  –Though the laws were created to protect minors from exploitation caused by others, states are prosecuting minors under child pornography statutes for sending nude or otherwise lurid self-portraits, even when the minors sent the selfies without coercion. – See more at: http://criminal.findlaw.com/criminal-charges/child-pornography-and-selfies–what-you-need-to-know.html#sthash.NnvTwGAW.dpuf

So I have to tell my son just incase if a girl sends you a  naked selfie, erase it, and then reply back, “please do not send me theses types of pictures”. I don’t care if you are girlfriend and boyfriend. Also please god don”t send any naked pictures  to her no matter what she says or offers!! Oh my god I would have never done this, nor any of my friends when I was this age, what the hell is going on in the world? My friends are telling me that the girls of this generation are way more sexual at 14-16 then I was at 25. How many years ago was it that the girls from that one town had a pregnancy pact? Who does that? I have had  many conversations with him about unprotected sex, about wearing a condom, and about how hard it will be the first time to remember.  How having a baby will be his responsibility. I advised how much this would ruin all of his plans. I have talked about STD’s and how many of them don’t go away with a shot anymore.

Let see, oh yeah! I had to tell him to make sure he dates only girls older than him. Why? Because the kids are starting school later than we did, they are graduating at 18 and 19yrs old. Which means you have 9th graders at 14yrs  with seniors that are 18 or 19 which makes them an adult.  Now back in the day it was nothing for a senior to date a sophomore or junior and even a freshman if she was really cute. Now a days parents are making this a crime by prosecuting boys  under the Statutory Rape Law.  Let me just say yes, the law is there for a reason, and when appropriate should be used.  But, why would you knowingly ruin a boys life, when you know your daughter is dating him. I know of more than one situation where the boys have a felony record now because the parents charged him even as the daughter was verifying that it wasn’t rape. There were witness in the school, friends, teachers, everyone knew they were dating. Sometimes with these laws, its like fishing with a net, your trying to catch Salmon, but you catch some others as well, but is it fair not to throw the wrong fish back when you make a mistake? Hello?

I also had the talk about going out with friends. Hopefully it never happens, but he may go out with kids older than him that can drive.  I had to say if you go out with friends and stop at a gas station or store and they go in and something goes down, get out of the car.  I don’t care if its my car, leave it. Don’t get in the car after the fact if you went into the store. Walk away! The saying is Snitches get Stitches. I told him you need to tell them upfront that you are a Snitch that does not go to jail, how bout that! Why do I have to talk about this? Because again I read about a kid who was called by his friends to pick them up because their car broke down, when in fact they had robbed a store. He was driving when they got pulled over by the police, and guess what, now  your in the car with the suspects matching the description, and you look like the getaway driver!  You can be charged, especially if nobody else backs up your story,  and forget it if you have a public defender you may do time.  Wrong place wrong time!

Should I even talk about bullying? I mean really. We all know this is an issue. We all know most schools have a blanket policy regarding it which does nothing to stop it. Yes, there were bullies when I was in school and there have always been bullies in school and always will be probably.  But we didn’t have social media. If you were beat up in school, only the people in the school knew, now it goes viral. Its on Youtube everyone anywhere can see it an make fun of you.  You are not bullied just in the school you go, oh no! You can be bullied in schools not only across the city or state, but nationwide.  I feel sad for these kids, and I wish there was a better way. Frankly I am out of my element.

Can I tell you that writing this blog is giving me a headache just thinking about all the things I have to worry about for the next 4yrs.  I think I am going to need a year supply of Advil!

I LOVE MOVIE’S -TODAY SPANGLISH

DAY 16 OF 365! 

I have to say I love this move even with Adam Sandler. I can say with confidence its the only movie of his that I really like. I am not really a fan of that slapstick, stoopid male comedy.  What I did find amazing were all the little life lessons contained within the movie.  You have the neurotic wife who doesn’t appreciate her husband. The overweight daughter looking for her mothers approval. You have the restauranteur who is trying to put family first business second. You have the single mother trying to make the best choices for her daughter.

After watching this moving for the second, third, maybe fourth time I realized some of the things I had missed. I couldn’t figured out how Tea Leonie’s character ended up married to Adam Sandler, but he says something mid movie like we have been able to reach each other since high school. Ah, they have been together a long time. No wonder they seem out of sync. That can happen in marriage. His star was on the rise and hers was falling according to her when she said she had just recently been laid off. The loss of her job which may have been tied to her worth (that was the impression I got) has made her feel invisible. I also noticed that she was amazingly self-centered. She expected not only her husband to react to situations the way she did, but she also expected her daughter to be motivated by what motivated her. She purchased clothes as a gift for her own daughter, but in a size to small which anyone could see devastated the child, and in no way was a motivator. Not once did she encourage the daughter to run with her, or walk the beach with her, things that may have been a motivator. Nothing was as funny as when Flor’s sister hit the sliding glass door with her face no less  (i mean she really took that door out.. roflmao) she (Tea’ Leonie)  says “I am not mad!” Which has to be the stupidest thing anyone in the world could have said after someone has been injured in your home. She was so enamored of Flor’s slim daughter that it  is was embarrassing to watch. She acted much more like a 17yr old girl trying to find herself than a middle aged wife and mother.  Once she finally realizes that she is making mistakes she attempts to blame her mother for who she has become.

I can relate to this in the broader scale because I know someone who is older but because of life experiences acts like they are much younger. They also blame their mother for how they have turned out to some degree.  The fact of the matter is that we all make choices. I can look back now at my parents an see them as people now.  I can understand now being a  parent the difficult choices they made. I can see my grandparents hand in how my parents turned out, doesn’t that explain a lot!  If you haven’t noticed, think about what kind of parents your grand parents were or are and that will be an eye opener when you look at your own parents! I may have been embarrassed or mad, or offended by something that happened when I was younger. Now as an adult I can go, you know what they may have made a mistake, or maybe they thought they were right, I can let that go. I can choose to be either the same or different. I can CHOOSE the type of person I am going to be. Sorry you are not allowed to still be blaming your parents after 30!!

I love, I mean truly love the fact that Adam Sandler’s character is so family oriented. He would rather give away part of his 4 star restaurant than lose the connection he has with his family. How often do you see that now a days? Everything is work more, and work more. Money is king, family comes second, and the kids will be okay as long as they have money to buy what they want.  This ties back into the “Do you want to be a Millionaire’ blog I did previously. I would prefer to be content, to have the great relationship I have with my son, knowing he will come to me about any issue with no worry about judgment. I love that I am not to tired to talk, or notice when his mood changes or something is going on with him. I have been that parent. I have had the great paying job working 10-12hrs a day and was so tired when I came home I didn’t want to deal. You think the money makes the difference, it doesn’t. You find out when they are 17 and a stranger that you missed out on something, and its almost impossible to get it back.

As a single parent I completely understand Flor’s decision to take her daughter out of the uppity prep school. Does opportunity outweigh the loss of yourself? Can you truly blend your culture with opportunity, or does it ultimately change you? aren’t we always talking about people “forgetting” where they come from? I love the part where Flor’s daughter says “Not right now I need space”, an it looks as if her head spins around she moves so fast and gets in her face and says “there is no space between us!” Love it! Perhaps I am one of those old fashion parents but I don’t play that shit either.  We are not friends I am and always will be your parent first. You live in my house, your room is not “Your space” its mine, and I can come in when I want. Sure I will give you some degree of privacy. But, if your on my phone or computer (the ones I purchased for you..i still own them) I can look to see what you are doing and to whom you are doing it with.  I will know who your friends are, as well as their parents.  I will check your tweets, your vine, your instragram, your whatever. I will know what you are doing. My questions is when did parents become friends?

I feel for Bernice, the overweight daughter who is so beautiful inside and out. She is completely overlooked by her mother who has defined her self worth by her weight and looks and is trying to pass that on to her daughter.  Even worse she latches on to Flor’s daughter in a way that I found a little creepy.  Thank goodness for the grandmother and Adam Sandler who was truly an amazing father in this movie.

NEXT MOVIE.. THE MIRROR HAS TWO FACES!! 

DO YOU HAVE THE F%$#-IT SYNDROME?

Day 15 of 365!

I am in love with my 40’s. It is by far my favorite age group. I have found this amazing thing happens when you turn 40. I have asked many people, friends, family and strangers. It’s called the F#$&-it syndrome! Really it does exist. Once you turn 40 this overwhelming sense of “I don’t have time for Bullshit” kicks in. I am sure you are saying oh well I have always been like that. Yeah, well its still different at 40. I think prior to 40 you may have a higher tolerance level, once you pass the 40 threshold, that tolerance level drops to damn near zero!

This is my take on how it works. From ages 18-21 because you are young,  you don’t know yourself yet, your still learning. You will make many many mistakes, your tolerance level is high because you don’t really have a choice in most cases your still relying on parents or a school with rules.   From ages 21-29, this is a great age, your are old enough to drink, drive and enjoy. You really are not held responsible for a lot because people give you a pass when your in your 20’s. Your tolerance level varies here because you think you know everything, you think you have it figured out. You feel like you don’t have to put up with certain things, in most cases you are wrong, but hey this the learning age. Now, once you turn 30 things really begin to change. Things that you got away with at 29, you find people saying hey you are too old for this kinda crap, you are 30 man(or woman)!  Now when you do something its stupid, or irresponsible, and  you should know better. You had 9yrs to figure it out remember. Now you want other people to be more tolerant of you and your mistakes. See how that changes. Now you are so much more flexible because you want that in return. Flexible = Tolerance! That level is at an all time high.  Within the 30’s you do have subtle level changes. Around 35 you sometimes take stock, and you find your annoyed a little more easily with certain behaviors. You still tolerate them but its starting to pluck that one nerve. You may make life changes at this point. Move, or change a job, get married, get divorced have kids etc. You feel like you know yourself right, you are doing good!

Bamm! Your 40th birthday! You wake up and look around and someone says something and you find yourself saying F#&%-that. No, I don’t care, I am not taking this crap anymore. You say what you mean, you don’t care if they are offended its the truth. You should have said it long ago, why didn’t you? (hint – you hadn’t turned 40 yet)  You realize some of the people around you are not really your friends or the type of friends you want, F#&%-it don’t need them either- bye! You have been at your job you have hated for 10yrs, but you have a business you want to open. You say F#&%-it!  Why am I waiting I am gonna do it! Maybe its your mother or your sister who has just been riding you for years, all of a sudden you feel that steel replace your spine and you say F#&%-you!  Get off me, treat me right or leave me alone. It may be your husband or a boss, or one of your kids. They are saying things like you have changed? You are like, “you damn right, I have been taking crap for too long, deal with it!” Now at 40 when you look in the mirror you smile. You are you! You really know yourself. You like what you see. This is you at your finest! You look back and laugh thinking how  little you really knew yourself. You thought you had it made at 30, now you know how wrong you were. 40 is the shit!

I have found my 40’s to be the most fascinating decade so far. I only have 3 more to go till I hit 50. I wonder what syndrome will kick in them. I am so excited to see. I would love to know if you were even aware that the Syndrome had kicked in for you. Perhaps it did but you didn’t have a name for it. Knowing is half the battle right! Now you know, “you are not alone”- Welcome to the family!

Please feel free to comment below and tell me who you said “F#&%-it to?

WHAT’S THE BEST GIFT YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED?

Day 14 of 365

The best gift I have ever received was “two pencils”. I can see your face, your shocked right? You don’t believe me, or you’re wondering if the pencils were made of gold or something! Not at all. They did have a pattern, and they were in different colors, but they were basically just regular number #2 pencils. So why were they the best gift I had every received?

Because they came from a gentleman I had been dating, and the gift was utterly ME! I mean it was spot on! It was as if he said without words, “I know you”. Not the you that your family knows, not the perceived person that people may assume you are, but I know the real you! How often does that happen? I have had plenty of boyfriends and friends purchase me great gifts, flowers, jewelry, dinner, clothes etc. They were all lovely, and I appreciated all of them. However, none of them can match how much this gift struck me to the core.

I am a fanatical planner, budgeter, goal setter whatever you want to call it. I do it on paper. Lots of paper. I have more organizers than most women have shoes. I rarely can go down the paper isle in any store without buying or looking at pens, paper, notebooks, planners, daily organizers etc.  I have a budget for each month, and sometimes for the year.  I redo the list weekly, sometimes daily, sometimes hourly.  I carry them around with me. I have big ones that are notebook size (8 1/2×11″) Then I realized they are too big to fit in my purse, and you never know I may need to look at my budget while I am out. So then I buy one that is large enough to write in but small enough to fit into my purse. Sometimes I make small lists, so the mini legal pads are great, but you never know maybe the larger ones would be better, so I buy those as well. I write the initial plan in pencil, and then the permanent one in pen. Of course I am always on the lookout for good writing pens.  I love pens and pencils. When I worked in the lab, the drivers would bring me the pens from the doctors office. I would come home with a purse full of Pens everyday!

My family and friends they know this about me. I am not sure If any of them really understood how important the whole budgeting/planning thing is to me. It is so much a part of who I am and he got me! I can remember clearly the day I got them. He had been on vacation to visit family, he came back in town. He was like I bought you a gift, something I wasn’t expecting. When he handed me the pencils, my face lit up, I remember how big my smile was. I still remember how I felt like it was yesterday when  in fact it was  many years ago! I am smiling even as I write this blog, that is how great that gift was years later it still makes me smile!

THE GIFT OF 10 MINUTES

Day 13 of 365!

I don’t remember when my mother said this, but she told us when we were very young that if something happens to make us depressed or sad that we had 10 minutes to deal with it. She said after that  its time to find a solution or move on.  I can tell you that to this day I have an internal  timer that kicks in automatically at around 10 minutes  After breaks ups, or arguments, rejections,  anything that you would normally get upset over about 10 -15 minutes later I am over it. I literally cannot stay mad, or upset, or depressed for very long. Years later when we had a conversation with my mom about this she laughed and laughed because according to her, “I meant a short amount of time, I didn’t literally mean 10minutes! ” My sister and I didn’t think this was as funny as she did, However we do realize now what a great thing it was that she gave us.

Instead of  having this problem that will weigh on me for long periods of time,  like the boyfriend or girlfriend  who broke up with you, and you cannot figure out why? You second guess every conversation, every actions trying to figure out what went wrong.  Maybe its a decision about work, changing a job or staying at a job, perhaps you are afraid to make a choice one way or the other about something.  I know many people who struggle with so many issues  and I wish they had be given the Gift of 10min!

For me I look at most situations as what is the solution, not as I have a problem. I have determined  that I become anxious when I stay in that limbo area for too long. Its almost as if the 10min timer is going off and I am ignoring it.  In most cases I know the answer, I have thought it through, weight the pros and cons and know the road I should take. I am sure that is what most people do as well, the difference is that I have an internal timer that was programmed years ago, and it makes it difficult for me to procrastinate. I know as soon as I feel that anxiety that I am creating it, because I am refusing to acknowledge my decision. I wonder if more people listened to their internal timers if it wouldn’t help them make decisions so much easier.

So Thanks Mom for giving me such a great gift that I can always hear mine!